


Raphael's Resolve.

by cepia



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Male Slash, OT4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9412706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cepia/pseuds/cepia
Summary: They may not have had to deal with acne, or fuzzy upper lips, but puberty isn't all sunshine and roses for the turtles. Turns out life can kick you in the nutsack just as well if you have a shell as if you don't.When tensions begin to spiral out of control one turtle hatches a plan to fix everything. But Raphael isn't the best at making plans. And maybe some things don't need to be fixed.





	1. It's Suppertime.

Okay, so, there was still a chance to end this without too much bloodshed.

  
He could stop right now and none of his brothers would be any the wiser.

  
Raph sat in silence in the driver's cabin of the party wagon, his hands on the steering wheel but the engine off. Silence was something he wasn't used to. Living with three brothers tended to make that commodity rarer than a steak at a vampire's barbeque. It was beginning to throw him off kilter somehow. His world was small enough as it was, it didn't need to be off balance too.

  
All his brothers had gone mad. Just yesterday he and Leo had finished a quick sparring session in the dojo. Things had gone without incident - which was a worry in and of itself - and they'd come out of the room with Leo's arm slung over Raph's shoulder, Leo midway through telling a joke and gesturing wildly with his free arm. Raph was already laughing because, for once, it wasn't something idiotic or nerdy and it _might_ have had a semi-decent punch line.

  
And in that one moment, life was actually ... if not good, then less shitty than it usually was; which was saying something considering they lived in a sewer.

  
Then they heard the screaming.

  
And right there in the middle of the living area stood Mikey and Donnie. Fighting. Actually physically fighting. Hand to hand, weapons discarded. Snarling for fuck's sake. There'd even been blood.

  
Raph had felt a curious disconnect... like the world had been broken and remade with the wrong pieces. He and Leo were the ones who should have been in each other's faces. For Donny and Mikey to come to blows, something was very, very wrong.

  
His father and Leo had waded in and broken things up. Raph had just stood there; his shoulder, where Leo's arm had rested, the source of a strange hollow cold seeping throughout the rest of his body. It was still with him now.

  
They knew the reasoning behind this. Donatello had seen fit to sit him and his brothers down a few years ago and explain a few things about the turtle mating cycle that Raph honestly would have preferred he kept to himself. On the plus side, it was a huge relief that they wouldn't have to deal with pubic hair. The visual alone had been enough to make him shudder. And yes, there had been visuals. Never let it be said that Hamato Donatello half assed a lecture. However, sometimes the alternative didn't really seem so great either.

  
The three ten dollar words.

  
Unresolved.

  
Sexual.

  
Tension.

  
So now he knew that as they matured they could get ... snippy... with each other. Not that Raph wasn't snippy already, but he always managed to rein it in. He'd actually made a joke about it at the time. A goddamned joke.

  
His hands squeezed the steering wheel. Nothing funny about yesterday.

  
And now... this.

  
He turned the key. The engine roared to life. Still too quiet though.

  
On the passenger seat next to him he'd laid out a few CDs for the journey. The silence from the back cabin was making his ears ring as he mused between _The Rubettes_ and the soundtrack to _Little Shop of Horrors._

  
By the time he was turning north onto the I87 he was singing along gustily to _Supper Time._

  
It would be another two hours before his brothers woke and found out what he'd done.

  
...

  
He'd meant to switch CDs ten miles ago but honestly, there was something appealing about listening to a song about a man-eating plant punching a guy in the balls with his vines. Or stem. Or whatever. When they got back he might have to get April to rent them the movie.

  
When the banging had started on the partition Raph had only put the music up higher and sung even more off key. At the dull thud he sighed and opened the communication mike for a second.

  
"Yo. You want to settle down in there?"

  
"Raph?"

  
"Hey Fearless." Raph grinned. Wasn't often he heard that stunned note to Leonardo's voice. Caught you off guard for once, teacher's pet. Another rest stop was approaching. He considered for a second then added. "Anyone want to drop any ballast?" Mikey's "EWWW" was heard even without the open channel and Raph laughed. "I'll take that as a no. Last chance." The stop was abandoned so he could have pulled over. When no one replied he shrugged and let the moment go. It wouldn't be long now until they were at the farm and honestly, he didn't really want to let them out before they were there. Somehow he had a feeling that convincing them to get back in would be harder than herding cats, ice cream ones or not.

  
At least now he could switch to the really bad CDs, he thought. No sense earlier, when they'd all been sleeping off their little sedation cocktails. Sweet! Little bit of torture a la _Frankie Valli_ coming up.

  
...

  
He pulled in to the farmhouse drive in the dark. The engine pinged a little after he turned it off and he shook out his hands to get the vibrations from the road out of them.

  
It was silent in the back again.

  
They'd screamed and shouted for a little while but Raph figured they'd got the idea soon enough and settled down to wait. He'd heard muted conversation between them but it hadn't been loud enough to catch the gist of it. He figured they were trying to work out what was going on. He'd essentially kidnapped them after all. They probably thought he had another brain worm or something and he was driving them to meet with Shredder, or worse, he'd been ordered to take a long drive off the edge of a cliff.

  
That would actually be a pretty cool way to use the brain worm thing, he mused. Shredder should have done that, rather than have him duel it out. Would have been more effective anyway.

  
Ah well, no sense in keeping them in suspense any longer.

  
He could picture them now. Leo would be closest to the door, one sword drawn, the other holstered... ever the big brother. Then Donny, with the advantage of his long range weapon. Mikey would be furthest in, protected. He was the baby after all. They'd be waiting. Silent. Nerves on edge. Ready to rush him once he flicked the lock on the back door.

  
Soooo predictable.

  
He took a couple of deep, steadying breaths then jumped from the cab and strolled casually to the back. Halfway there he banged his fisted hand against the side of the van loudly. One. Two. Three times.

  
"Yo! Up and at 'em. We're burning moonlight."

  
Showtime.

  
They rushed him when he unlocked the door. Of course they did. He was waiting for it. He didn't fight back and it was mere seconds before they had him down and pinned, Leo's sword against his neck. Raph felt the tremor through the blade and some small part of him felt bad for worrying Leo so much.

  
It was only a small part though.

  
He turned his head to the side, spat out a mouthful of mud and grinned up at them. "Hey."

  
Leo's face was a picture. He didn't know whether to be worried or confused and his face was stuck somewhere between the two. Worfused? Or Conried maybe. "Raph? I... what..."

  
"Don't strain yourself big brother, it's not like I'm losing feeling in my arms or anything. Is it Mikey sitting on my shell? For some weird reason I can't see from here."

  
"What?" Leo did that little head tilt and eye ridge raise thing. The one that Raph, when he was younger, had attempted in vain to copy in the mirror. "Oh!" He motioned to someone outside of Raph's field of view and the pressure on Raph's back lessened a little. The action seemed to give Leo time to gather himself, or perhaps it was the fact that Raph was calm and sedate - which, honestly, in other circumstances would probably be scaring Leo shitless. "What the _shell_ is going on?"

  
Raph's shrug was a pitiful attempt but he gave it his best shot. "Would you believe training?" At Leo's stony look he let his grin fade to something a little more serious. "Okay, okay. It's an intervention."

  
"What for? And why here? Does Master Splinter know we're gone?"

  
There was obviously some sort of signal he wasn't privy to for they all backed off as one. Raph dragged his arm from where it had been twisted against his shell. It didn't hurt, not really, but he wasn't beyond making them think otherwise. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, wincing a little, and brushed off the loose stones and dirt from his plastron.

  
"Yeah, Master Splinter knows. He gave it his blessing. He wants us to 'harmonise'," he air quoted to highlight the importance, "or some such zen crap. End of story, me and you, two weeks." He shrugged.

  
"Then what?"

  
Raph grinned but it was Mikey who jumped in. "Profit."

  
"Exactly, little bro. Now, help me up. The ground's cold and the stones are sharp."

  
No sooner was he up than he found himself thrown against the side of the party wagon. His head clanged off the side and made him see stars for a second or two. When his vision cleared he realised It was Donny's bo this time, across his waist, holding him in place. He cocked an eye ridge. It might not have been as cool as lame-o-nardo's look, especially with an attempted concussion, but he could still pull off 'pissed and unimpressed'. "What?"

  
Donny looked one step away from frothing at the mouth. "You'd never agree to two weeks of meditation of your own free will."

  
"Damn right." Raph had to agree with that one.

  
"So what is this really?"

  
Raph pushed at the bo a little, huffing out a breath when Don just slammed it harder against him. He raised his hands in supplication. "Jeez, alright, alright. Look, Sensei's getting ticked off with all the brawling in the lair. He thinks we're getting a little out of control." He hid a smirk as Donny's eyes broke contact with his own for a second to flicker down in shame. Donny knew that, out of all of them, he was the one behaving the most out of character. "He wants us to do whatever it takes to sort this out."

  
A wicked thought came to Raph in that moment and his smirk twisted. He lifted his head from where it was resting against the party wagon, angling so that Donny could feel Raph's breath against the juncture of his neck and shoulder. "Get it, Donny? Whatever it takes to _resolve_ this." And with that he licked a broad, wet stripe up Donny's neck.

  
Raph had never tried for sultry before but he figured it had either been really good or really bad as Donny shuddered a full body shudder before scrambling away from him like he was a Kraang bot with a rocket launcher lodged where the sun don't shine.

  
"Well, I'm beat." He said with a grin, stretching his arms over his head to feel his joints crack. "There's a bed in there calling my name. See you in the morning. You can unload the van. Night guys."

  
Free at last, Raph walked past them all, trying not to let them see just how much his legs were trembling. Not looking back was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

  
Up until then at least.


	2. Best Laid Plans

Okay, so it could have gone better. Raph lay on the bed above the covers and ground the heels of his hands against his eyes. Better would have been good. But hey, could also have been a lot worse. Leo could have gut him in an instant for what he'd suggested they all do and left him to gather his entrails up off the drive as they went home.   
  
Least that hadn't happened.   
  
Yet.  
  
He could hear them talking, downstairs, in the kitchen. Their voices were low, hushed. Whatever they were saying they didn't seem to want him to overhear, and over it all was the sound of cabinets opening and closing. They were pottering around, getting drinks, storing away food... yeah he'd brought some with him. He'd had the hopes that this trip would have them expending a lot of calories so yeah...   
  
It was nice. Homely. There was no shouting. No snarling. He shuddered. If he had to hear that noise coming from Michelangelo one more time. Chatting and mingling together was so much better than that.   
  
If he could just get his traitorous body to settle down enough to enjoy it. There wasn't a part of him without the shakes at the moment. He'd been so proud of himself when he'd made it up the patio stairs of the farmhouse without showing it. Inside the house had been a different matter and he'd made a detour to the bathroom to throw up his dinner before he found his room. That would have made their day, seeing big, bad Raphael upchucking from a confrontation.   
  
No one had come to disturb him yet, which was a plus. They were probably too scared.   
  
Oh man, had he really licked Donatello's neck? Shell. He could see Donnie's eyes opening wide in shock again. Guy couldn't wait to get away from him. This was a seriously bad idea. So much potential to go wrong. He could destroy his relationships with his brothers in an instant. Shit, he may have already done that for all he knew.   
  
Rolling over, Raph stared at the window. He hadn't drawn the drapes and the stars were out in full force. He sighed. He'd licked Donnie's neck. His own brother.   
  
Oh get over yourself, you pussy, he thought, gritting his teeth.  You wanted to do a lot more than that on this trip so pull yourself together. They smell fear, they'll shellac you.   
  
He froze, hearing footsteps on the stairs. But they passed on by without coming in. Still, it was a long time before he closed his eyes.   
  
...  
  
It took him a long time to fall asleep and then an even longer time to wake up again. When he eventually rolled out of bed, bleary eyed and yawning, it was past noon. No one had come to wake him for morning practice. Raph didn't really know whether that was a good thing or not, honestly.   
  
They were all in the kitchen when he walked in and, had he not been trying so hard to appear confident himself, he'd have laughed at how ill at ease they seemed. He'd wondered, through the night, if they'd even got the hint he'd been giving them as to why they were there. Could he explain away the lick as something mundane, could they forget this ever even happened? One glance at their faces told him they got it. Oh, they so got it. Okay, so maybe Raph couldn't do subtle as well as he thought he could. They were strategically placed, overly casual, trying to maintain the illusion that they'd just arrived there at random. Raph knew better, he'd seen enough of Leo's plans to know how they worked and this was a show of strength.   
  
Whether it was for or against him, he had yet to find out.   
  
Deciding that whatever was to come would go over a lot better with a cup of coffee in hand, he walked past them all to the coffee machine and poured himself a mug. A tentative sip first to check temperature, then a long, slow swallow in which he downed half the cup, and he turned to face the music.   
  
It was Leo who spoke first, of course. "I called Master Splinter last night."   
  
Raph hummed, taking another sip of coffee. "Course you did."   
  
"He said you told him this is a team building exercise."   
  
"And?" Raph cocked an eye ridge. "Is right, ain't it? Can't get much more team building than this."   
  
Leo fair spluttered. "Team building is trust exercises, Raph. It's hiking, relying on each other to work out problems, building bridges over streams with fallen logs. Not...not" he gestured wildly, unable to get the words to come out of his mouth. Raph grinned. Prude.    
  
"Sex?" He suggested, stating the fact outright finally - making it tangible, solid. No going back now. He sipped his coffee again, enjoying the way Leo's face turned beet red. Repressed asshole. "Look, Leo, you gotta admit this fits the criteria for teambuilding. It's a major problem, which we'll all be working on together to come to a solution." A suggestive wag of his eye ridges was sufficient to highlight his words, he figured. "Sounds pretty team building to me, whaddya think, Don?"  
  
Donatello merely flinched from his position at the kitchen table. He had yet to raise his eyes to meet Raph's gaze. Luckily for Donnie, Leo hadn't finished. "Raph, this could go so wrong. I... I can't condone this. We should just forget about this and go home before --"  
  
"No!"  
  
All eyes in the room turned as one to Mikey, who was leaning against the kitchen wall, both hands over his mouth, as though he was shocked at his own outburst. Raph grinned, inwardly sighing in relief. At least someone seemed to be thinking seriously about it, well... as seriously as Mikey could think. Leo seemed floored that someone had spoken out against him and there was a beat or two of silence before he managed to get his words out.  
  
"Mikey, what..."  
  
"Raph's right, Leo. This," he gestured to the room at large, "is just going to carry on getting worse if we go home. I don't like fighting you guys, you're my brothers, I don't wanna fight, but I can't help it. I'm all ok, doing my thing, feeling pretty cool, and then one of you walks in and... and..."   
  
Raph gave his shoulder a supportive squeeze. Mikey raised his other hand to cover Raph's and squeezed back. Yep, Raph thought, Mikey's a contender.   
  
"Okay, Leo, looks like that's two for the idea." Now how many against?  
  
Leo's expression made Raph wish he had a camera handy. He'd never seen Leo look so 'I've just drunk lemon juice and piss and I can't figure out which is worse'. Leo shook his head and took a step back, his eyes flickering from Raph to Mikey and then Donnie. Another step back and he was at the door. Having an escape route at his back seemed to make him more at ease and he stood tall, glaring Raph down from his height advantage. "I want no part of this."   
  
And with that he turned and left the room.   
  
Raph sighed. Something in his gut clenched painfully when he watched Leo go. Giving himself a mental shake, he pulled himself back into the room. There were two for and one against. "Donnie, looks like you have the power to make this a tie," he said, looking back at Donatello, who still hadn't moved from his seat at the table. Donnie's coffee was long cold and his fingers were resting on his throat, idly stroking back and forth. He looked like he'd slept even less than Raphael last night. Raph was pretty sure it was all over and they'd all be packing up and going home when Donnie looked up and caught his gaze.   
  
"I'm in."  
  
Three to one in favour. Wow. Okay. Raph hadn't honestly been expecting to get this far with his plan. He'd figured they'd all be on their way home now, with the three of them sat crammed together in the front and Raphael exiled to the back like the filthy minded animal he was.   
  
"Um... okay," he said, floundering for the next step. Thankfully Donnie was there.   
  
"We'll need rules though."  
  
"Yes!" Thank God for Donnie, Raph thought. "Rules are a good thing."  
  
"I was thinking last night," Donatello continued, almost as though he hadn't even heard Raph. "And I made a few notes." He pulled out a sheaf of papers covered completely in his illegible scrawl. Raph reached out blindly for a chair and sat down with a huff, his knees suddenly unwilling to support him. Donnie didn't seem to notice and pulled a pen from his belt. "These are only some preliminary ideas though," he continued, "If you had any thoughts of your own on how to do this, Raph, I'd love to hear them. This is your soiree after all."   
  
"Um..." Did he? No, he didn't think he did. All of his ideas had involved having Leo as a part of the group, Raph realised. Without him, they were uneven... and... could Donnie and Mikey even really be left alone together. They'd been fighting pretty hard the other day after all.  Raph was beginning to realise that he hadn't really thought beyond getting to the farm. Anything further than that had been pure fantasy, in more ways than one.   
  
"Okay." Donnie rustled the papers, taking Raph's silence as confirmation that Raph's ideas were pretty pathetic. "The way I see it, the changes in our temperments recently hints at sexual maturation. This has been manifesting in Mikey and myself as uncharacteristic aggression and all around bad temperedness. Basically," he glanced up at Raph for only the second time that morning and gave a watered down version of his usual smile, "we're turning into you."   
  
"Hey." Raph made as if to give Donnie a shove but then thought against it. It seemed a little weird, sitting there talking about how he and his brothers were going to orchestrate their sexual encounters. He knew it was a feeling shared by at least Mikey because the younger turtle had yet to move from his place against the wall.  
  
"So how do you think we should..." Raph trailed off, all too aware of the double entendre of his words.  
  
"Do it?" Donnie smiled again, something shark-like in the gesture. "I have a number of ideas. We could have a random number generator, pull names out of a hat, um, we could ip dip for it. What?" Mikey was shaking his head wildly.   
  
"Kinda takes the mood out of it, Dude. We're not like some wind up toys you can just krank up and point in a certain direction and off we go." He moved his hips back and forth madly to illustrate his point. Raph almost choked on an ill-timed gulp of coffee. Donnie didn't seem amused.   
  
"Okay then, suggest something."   
  
"We need a leader." Mikey said, pushing himself away from the wall finally and heading for the table. "Someone to light the way, to guide us, to have our backs." He looked at Raph. Raph looked back.   
  
"What?" he said, slightly uneasy, his eyes flicking to Donatello when he noticed the other turtle's gaze had also come to rest on him, something foreign and unknown ticking away behind Donnie's brown eyes. "If you haven't noticed already, Leo's out of this. He wants no part."   
  
"I thought you always fancied yourself as a leader, Raph."   
  
Raph winced a little. He'd thought that once, but ever since the incident with Snakeweed he'd realised that he didn't have what it takes to lead. He had hated sending his brothers off into danger when he could have just taken it all on his own shoulders. This was kind of the same thing too. Having Mikey and Donnie together seemed to be a potential recipe for disaster, but what else could he do? Taking it all on his own shoulders wouldn't really work in this situation.   
  
He frowned a little. Or could it?  
  
"Okay, Genius. How about this. We keep this simple. You ask, I'll come."   
  
Donnie's eyes were flickering across his face, looking for signs of doubt probably, or regret. "How do you mean, Raph?"  
  
Geez, did he have to spell it out? Seriously. Wasn't Donnie supposed to be clever or something? Raph threw his head back to gulp down the last of his coffee, god help him, he needed the caffeine, and slammed the cup down on the table. Donnie jumped. "For the next two weeks," he said slowly, "whatever you need, whenever you need. Ask me... I'll come."   
  
Donnie's mouth was a perfect 'o' of surprise. He seemed frozen in place. It was Mikey who answered, grabbing Raph's hand to shake it.   
  
"Deal."


	3. Down on the Farm

Nothing happened for three days.

Well... not quite nothing. Raph slept, ate, spent some time out in the woods reconnecting with nature or some such baloney; pretty much anything he could do to avoid the farmhouse.

In some ways it had been like taking one step forward and fifteen steps back. Yes Mikey and Donnie had agreed to this new aspect of their relationship in order to improve things, but, Raph had to admit, maybe he had been a bit hasty in suggesting it. Mikey, although initially eager, was pretty much AFK and Donnie was wherever Raph wasn't. Raph himself wasn't too sure how he felt about things. He hadn't really intended on whoring himself out to his brothers when he'd come up with his plan, but it seemed that things had just turned out that way. Leo just seemed disgusted with the whole thing, and Raph in general, and had left the farmhouse after their conversation.

So yeah, day three of Raph's plan was well under way now and Raph pretty much felt like shit.

The problem was the lack of stuff for him to do. Contrary to popular belief Raph did think, and sometimes he needed a way to _not_ think. For Leonardo it was meditation, for Donnie, his lab. Mikey had ... whatever the hell Mikey had. For Raph it was physicality. When his body was talking to him, his mind generally focused on that rather than the myriad of other issues it liked to bring up in the middle of the night when his defences were low.

In New York generally he could beat up on his training dummy a little, or go topside and beat up on some people a little. Here there was none of that. He hadn't really considered it an issue this time. He'd thought he'd be too busy with ... other things... to worry about entertainment, but unfortunately, with all three of his brothers seemingly avoiding him for different reasons Raph was a little bit hard up for fun.

Still, a book might be interesting, he thought. There'd been a good one about prisoners of war digging a tunnel under a wooden horse that he'd found last time. Maybe he could reread that. His mind made up, he made his way to the living room, finding Leonardo in there watching reruns of Space Heroes. Raph sighed but didn't say hello. It wasn't like Leo would answer him right now and it hurt less that way.

Leo had walked out of the farmhouse on the day of the agreement and hadn't returned until that morning. He'd strolled in, just after one of the most awkward silenced breakfasts Raph had ever known, and grabbed himself a slice of cold pizza from the fridge and a cup of green tea, all while avoiding Raph's eyes like a champion. Donnie had left a minute or so later, carrying a mug of black coffee with him, and Mikey had trailed after him with a backwards glance at Raph.

At least Leo hadn't gone back to the lair and left them all to find their own way home, there was that small mercy.

His book found, Raph flumped himself next to Leo on the sofa. Leo immediately stood up and switched to one of the armchairs in the room. Raph's teeth were grinding a little but he bit back any retorts. Arguing against a silent Leo was never fun. He flicked open his book instead and started to read.

He was up to the part where the heroes were making their midnight break for freedom through the tunnel when a lack of background noise filtered through to him. The television was off. Leo must have left. Raph sighed and stretched his feet a little, dropping the book to better see the clock on the mantle.

Crap.

Leo hadn't left. Leo was right there, staring at him, his features relaxed and open.

"Space Heroes finished?" Raph ventured.

Yeah, he just had to open his big mouth. Leo stiffened. Seemed it was the wrong thing to say, although, Raph guessed, probably anything would have been the wrong thing to say. Better yet, it was the right thing to say, just the wrong person saying it. Leo's expression closed off again and he stood up to leave the room. So now Raph had two choices, he could let Leo walk, or he could do his best to get the last word in.

"Look, Leo, I..."

The sounds of raised voices became audible. Raph frowned, Donnie and Mikey. His book forgotten, he jumped up, vaulting over the back of the sofa and pushing past a surprised Leo to get outside.

Leo was half a step behind him when he got to the back door. "Shit!" Sprinting towards the party wagon, Raph grabbed hold of the edge of Donnie's shell and dragged him away from where he'd been using his bo staff to pin Mikey to the side of the van. Donnie snarled and fought to get back but no one could fight like Raph. He spun Donnie round to face him, reared back, and dealt one of the finest upper cuts of his life to the underside of Donnie's chin.

Donnie stumbled and stepped back before dropping to one knee on the ground. Leo had already darted past and was looking Mikey over. Raph knew that he could leave his little brother in Leo's capable hands. Donatello was the priority for him. Grabbing Donnie's belt, he hauled his brother to his feet.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled. Donnie didn't answer, his breathing heavy and his eyes downcast. Raph shook him. "I told you! I fucking told you. It gets bad, you come to me."

Sensing that Donnie wasn't anywhere close to answering him yet, Raph threw a comment over his shoulder to Leonardo. "How's Mikey doing?"

"I'm okay, Raph."

Raph relaxed a little on hearing Mikey's voice. Any battle Mikey could talk away from was a good one. "Get out of here."

"Raph, no, it was my fault, I --"

"Go, Mikey. Leo get him out of here." Raph watched as Donnie buried his face in shaking hands. "I got this."

He waited for the sound of the back door closing before releasing Donnie. Are you okay seemed a stupid thing to ask, when it was so obvious that Donnie wasn't. Raph settled on a "Did I hurt you?" instead. It seemed to do the trick for Donnie took a deep, shaky breath and dropped his hands from his face. Raph took in the mark on Donnie's jaw. It would bruise but there was no broken skin. Good. "What happened?"

"I... he touched me." Donnie shook his head. "I was working on something in the barn and he touched me on the shoulder. That's all. And I just...". A tear made its way down Donnie's face. Raph watched it, desperate to wipe it away, to wipe all of this away, to make things better.

Donatello, out of all of them, struggled with his instincts the most. He was a genius, a sheer brainiac, his IQ put him as far removed from Raph as Einstein from a monkey. He believed in civilisation, being able to overcome the baser parts of his make up. He thrived on his humanity.

Raphael, conversely, thrived on instinct. Perhaps that was what had made him come up with this whole crazy plan in the first place. And it was instinct now that made him take a step closer to Donnie and slide a finger under his chin to tilt his head up and meet Raph's eyes.

"I told you, Donnie. I'm here for you. You just gotta ask."

Donatello sniffed, his eyes locked on Raph's own. Whatever he read there seemed to make his mind up. He nodded. "Help me."

"Okay." Raph squeezed Donnie's hand. "Okay."

...

The house was out. Mikey and Leo were both in there and, for obvious but different reasons, Raph didn't want either of them overhearing any of what was going to happen. Donnie seemed to think the same for he turned his back on Raph and walked away.

The barn.

The barn was good.

Raph shook his head and trotted forward to catch up with Donnie. As Donatello disappeared into the barn Raph risked a quick glance over his shoulder, confirming what his sixth sense had been telling him. In two separate rooms Mikey and Leo were both standing at windows watching him. A small perverted part of himself wanted to wave as he walked through the door but he held it back. Leonardo looked worried so Raph allowed a small smile, more a one sided tilt of his mouth than anything else. It didn't seem to help but he had other things to worry about right now.

He let the door shut behind him, blocking out the afternoon sun and casting a cool dimness over the room. Donnie was somewhere in front of him, at his desk, fumbling for a light. Raph held out a hand. "Don't." He kind of liked the semi-darkness. Donnie stilled, his breathing overly loud in the room, especially for a trained ninja.

Now what?

Shell, this had gone a lot better than this in his head.

Donnie seemed at a loss too. Raph frowned. In his plan it had been simple. They'd just done what needed to be done, none of this talking bullshit beforehand. Still, he needed someway to soothe Donatello and Donnie always responded well to conversation. Something else that they differed on, Raph figured.

"You got a nice set up in here."

Donnie jolted a little, obviously taken away. "Um... thanks."

"Never really been in here before. S'almost as good as back home."

"Yeah."

All the while he was talking, Raph moved, edging closer, then further away, then back. Allowing Donatello a chance to get used to his presence there. This was Donnie's territory. Raph was the intruder. He kept his body loose and calm, watching for the signs of relaxation in Donatello's shoulders, rimed in light from a loose beam in the ceiling. It didn't seem to be working, Donnie's breathing was still rapid and his muscles tense.

Raph sighed.

"Listen, Don, we don't have to do this..."

  
"Yes, we do."

Shit but Donnie could move fast when he needed to. Raph's shell thudded against the door and he saw stars for a second. Eventually the stars turned into dust motes, floating through the singular sun beam in the room, carried in Donatello's wake.

And then, there they were again. Donnie leaning his weight against him, Raph pinned. Easy enough to get out of if you knew how... and Raph knew how. He left it. Don's breath was hot against the junction of his shoulder and neck and a strange, shivery sensation ran the length of Raph's spine when Donnie's tongue came out to stroke a line from clavicle to jaw.

And as quick as it had happened, it was over.

The pressure against him released and Raph took a tottering step forward, his hand flying to his neck as if to check that the coolness left there was only saliva and not blood. Donatello was somewhere in the dark, his breathing almost like that of a dying animal. Pained.

"Donnie?"

"I don't want this, Raph. I don't. I think..."

"I know." Yeah, Raph had pretty much called it. "Sometimes you just gotta stop thinking about it, Donnie. Let the world wash over you. You think you're the only one who's scared?"

"Are you?"

"Course, I am. Shit, Donnie." Raph gestured in the dark, "I see my family falling apart because everyone is so hung up on human values they can't just... feel... anymore. I'm scared of losing you all because I didn't do anything. I'm scared I'll lose you because I did do something. I'm scared of going too far. I'm scared of not going far enough. I'm scared of... of... ".

Donnie's approach was slower this time. He stopped a foot away from Raph and Raph swore he could feel the heat of him through even that distance. "I'm scared of letting this thing inside me loose, Raph. Scared it won't want to go back inside. Scared I'll hurt you. Scared I won't care."

"You're my brother, Donnie. Nothing you do will ever hurt me." Raph reached out between them and laid a hand on Donnie's shoulder. Donnie stiffened. "Was this where Mikey touched you?" He 'hmmed' when Donatello nodded, swallowing visibly in the half light. "What more did you want?" Mikey had a tendency to blast through other peoples' personal bubbles, a fact which drove Raph insane. Now though, he did the same, stepping forward until his and Donnie's plastrons were centimeters apart.

Donatello's hands were on his shoulders, pressing down in wordless reply. Raph followed the motion without complaint, dropping to his knees in front of his brother. Donnie's breath hitched at the action.

"It's okay, Don." He raised trembling hands and placed them on the junction of Don's hips, just beneath his shell. His thumbs moved gentle circles there. "Whatever you want, wherever you want. I'm there remember?"

With an almost surprised gasp, Donnie dropped down. His cock was already half hard, long and thick, probably bigger than Raph's but then Donnie's frame was longer in general so it was no surprise. His hands went to Raph's shoulders again. "Don't tell..."

Raph smiled up at him in the dark and stroked a final circle against Donnie's thigh. "I promise. Nothing leaves this room." He leaned forward a mere inch to take the head of Donnie's cock into his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the book that Raph was reading actually exists. It's a true story called The Wooden Horse and it's by Eric Williams. I highly recommend it.


End file.
